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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

So I bought a big sling/duffel bag, wouldve preferred the black one though, but thanks to the bloody asses out there, there was none left for me so I settled for the blue, which isnt one of my fave colours. BUT, I really like the bag.

Itz a store, the bag. Bring my whole room in it. Shoe bag, toilettries, two life vests(thanks to someone who went dating), a change of clothes, sunblock, food and water.

Then, I realised that I miss carrying a backpack. Initially, wanted to buy this brown one but brown is banned. And it looks like a pri skool bag and also, mat-ish. Not that I really care. At the end of the day, size matters and the backpack was quite small.

Training is becoming a monotony and idiotic. No doubt my fitness improved(though not as much as I want it to) many thanks to the frequent punishments and exercises and fun times, but IM NOT BLOODY IMPROVING. You get it?

And Im not the only one feeling this way. Yet I share the same sentiments about how some are just there because they can when they want and I cant when I want. Yes bloody jealous because they dont need to put in damn alot of effort. Because they just dont need to, when Im bloody struggling here. At least I come and I try my best. Sigh...

So what if we train morning, noon and night, but people come as they like and no quality involved, only half-hearted doing because they're supposed to be there? On top of it all, there is no significant improvement and lack of power to bring us all to the battlefield. Something is wrong somewhere . Is it too late now? Maybe itz just me and my lousy body unwilling to absorb greater pain. But I see potential. Till when is it gonna remain unleashed?

Possibility of me being unfair here but there, Ive said it.

Moving on, I cant see why pure and honest intentions is being pushed away. After all that has been said and done, the offer is a little something that is in my power to help. What's so bloody difficult about getting a proper diagnosis. At the very least, my actions are appreciated. Here I am so willing but all you do is sit there and wait for the next setback/heartache/pain/misery/sleepless nights. Am I to just sit back and enjoy it?

Need food.