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Sunday, July 29, 2007

Sandcastle building at ECP one drizzly staurday. Bloody fun.

And now we move on to the jokes section.

#1
SMART Businessman

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice

Son : "I will choose my own bride!!!"

Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.."

Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter...."

Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!!!!!"

Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."

Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."

President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"

Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."

President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

#2
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."

The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese,you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank theTitanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

#3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA.

The American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"

The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."

The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"

Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.

The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you!?!"Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"

The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."

A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind Of 'key' was he.

The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee' am I ?!"

The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

#4
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was incharge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:

Brain: I should be in charge because I run all body functions.

Blood: I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.

Stomach: I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.

Legs: I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.

Eyes: I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.

Asshole: I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.

All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.

Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief

Day 2 -Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly

Day 3 - Legs got crampsand became unstable

Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred

Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body

Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.

#5
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? ( anyone)

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what'sthis urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan ( no one ) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

#6
Dear Ah Lian

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.

You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look?Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok.

Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari.My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So youmust come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and tome.Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. Andwhen you got time, please few free to call me.

Goo bye.....

Worm regard,Ah Beng

#7
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French,who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.

Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of Water to become, then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted"WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contentedwith his beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he slipped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,

"SHIT!!!!!!!........."